I've always been the quiet, introverted type who'd rather stay home. This is not necessarily a good thing when it comes to staying home with my two-year-old son ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME. I tried hanging with some other moms through meetup groups, but it's just been so lame. The only thing I really had in common with them is that we have kids.

So you can imagine how happy I was when I found my long lost friend on Facebook a few months ago. We've picked up where we left off and in fact, I think we're making up for lost time because we love hanging out with each other. She doesn't have any kids, but she's helped me out soooo much around my home and she adores my twelve-year-old daughter.

But she's a foodie. Ohhhhh wow, she's like a walking restaurant directory. It's a bad combination when I spend a lot of time hanging out with her (I don't exercise hard like I want to) and we go places to eat or cook amazing food at home. I told her to bring over some workout clothes. I need a plan of attack, I need to set aside some hard exercise time, I need to... I need to... I need to finish that cherry tomato cous cous salad we made yesterday.

A glimmer of hope.

I feel as if I have really begun to take control. I have lost between 20 -25 pounds, so far. The reason that I don't know the exact amount is because I started the changes before I was brave enough to face the number on the scale.

I exercise about six times a week. My fitness level has improved exponentially. Even though the level is nowhere near what I am shooting for, I am starting to feel better, and that's really the crux of it all. I am no longer winded and gasping for air after walking up a flight of stairs, or after taking a walk. My knees still ache, but not as much, and my lower back doesn't hurt EVERY day.

There are still days that I just want to eat and eat. Am I hungry? Not really. Do I? Yes, sometimes. Just not to the extent that I was, in fact, those "Snacky" days do not even qualify as bingeing anymore, and I count what I am eating in my daily calorie allowance. I like the accountability that I have created, I enjoy not being out of control, it makes me feel good.

I'm here, i'm here...

My eating is better some days than others, it's a struggle. I feel like I really lack any self-control sometimes, and that is frustrating.

The exercising part is pretty consistent, almost daily. I feel like I have increased my stamina. In fact, the other day we walked to the Dodger game, and my husband commented that I didn't have to stop and take a breather as we were walking up the Stadium Way hill. I most definitely would have in the past. I was still breathing heavy, but it felt good.

I haven't been weighng myself too often. I feel like I want to focus on my fitness rather than a number on the scale. Less chance for me to sabotage myself.

Things are fitting looser, I have more energy and feel better, I have also tried to cut most artificial sources of sugar out of my diet and have cut cheese out almost completely.

Anybody Out There?

Just checking! How is everyone doing? Please share, even if you've been feeling like you're sliding lately.

We are Our Worst Critics

Well, maybe it was an ex-boyfriend I dumped years ago, but I know that I've been consistently my own worst critic. My upbringing didn't help, either. I was taught to be modest about myself or my accomplishments because it would be viewed as obnoxious by others if I seemed the least bit pleased with myself.

Looking in the mirror, how often do I find fault with myself vs. find what I like about myself? Faults = 10. Points = 0. Does that sound the least bit familiar? How horrible it is that I've wired my brain to do that.

I think it was Oprah years ago who said she kept a journal of things she was thankful for every day and it helped her realize how fortunate she really is. In one of my college writing courses, the assignment was to make lists of things and write about them.

I'm going to try something... I'm going to mesh those writing projects together with a little tweak and list 10 things I LIKE about myself. Who wants to try this, too? Okay, if you can't think of 10, I'm sure everyone else can help out and think of stuff they admire about you in mere seconds.

Moving in the Right Direction

Yahoo...weighed in at weight watchers and the scale is still moving downward. My exercising is actually beginning to become a habit and I miss it if for whatever reason I don't do it.

My food choices have been better than I have ever seen. I tried whole wheat pasta for the first time this week and would say that it was pretty good. I am eating 5-7 servings of fruit and veggies daily (sometimes they are added to my smoothies or simply juiced) and have even quit smoking through all of this. My quiting smoking had more to do with my father's death. All in all I think that has a lot to do with my need to be healthier.

Breaking Bad.

I haven't posted recently and I have to remember that this blog is one of the things that is keeping me accountable.

I have been exercising every single day for the last two weeks, with the exception of one day, which was a self-imposed break (read: too lazy, and I wound up feeling really guilty about it,)

One of the things Kathy mentioned in an earlier entry was that when you exercise, it speeds up the metabolism, and makes you feel hungrier. No doubt! For the last week, all I have wanted to do was eat. Pretty sure that it is also hormonal, but at any rate, I feel like it is sabotaging some of my exercise efforts, and I would be losing a bit more weight if I could just exercise a bit of self- control.

I have also been weighing in every day, and I am putting a stop to that. I feel like the daily fluctuations in my weight, due to water, or whatever, are not doing me any favors to see. To some extent I feel like the numbers can be discouraging--especially in relation to how hard I feel like I am working.