A glimmer of hope.

I feel as if I have really begun to take control. I have lost between 20 -25 pounds, so far. The reason that I don't know the exact amount is because I started the changes before I was brave enough to face the number on the scale.

I exercise about six times a week. My fitness level has improved exponentially. Even though the level is nowhere near what I am shooting for, I am starting to feel better, and that's really the crux of it all. I am no longer winded and gasping for air after walking up a flight of stairs, or after taking a walk. My knees still ache, but not as much, and my lower back doesn't hurt EVERY day.

There are still days that I just want to eat and eat. Am I hungry? Not really. Do I? Yes, sometimes. Just not to the extent that I was, in fact, those "Snacky" days do not even qualify as bingeing anymore, and I count what I am eating in my daily calorie allowance. I like the accountability that I have created, I enjoy not being out of control, it makes me feel good.

I'm here, i'm here...

My eating is better some days than others, it's a struggle. I feel like I really lack any self-control sometimes, and that is frustrating.

The exercising part is pretty consistent, almost daily. I feel like I have increased my stamina. In fact, the other day we walked to the Dodger game, and my husband commented that I didn't have to stop and take a breather as we were walking up the Stadium Way hill. I most definitely would have in the past. I was still breathing heavy, but it felt good.

I haven't been weighng myself too often. I feel like I want to focus on my fitness rather than a number on the scale. Less chance for me to sabotage myself.

Things are fitting looser, I have more energy and feel better, I have also tried to cut most artificial sources of sugar out of my diet and have cut cheese out almost completely.

Anybody Out There?

Just checking! How is everyone doing? Please share, even if you've been feeling like you're sliding lately.

We are Our Worst Critics

Well, maybe it was an ex-boyfriend I dumped years ago, but I know that I've been consistently my own worst critic. My upbringing didn't help, either. I was taught to be modest about myself or my accomplishments because it would be viewed as obnoxious by others if I seemed the least bit pleased with myself.

Looking in the mirror, how often do I find fault with myself vs. find what I like about myself? Faults = 10. Points = 0. Does that sound the least bit familiar? How horrible it is that I've wired my brain to do that.

I think it was Oprah years ago who said she kept a journal of things she was thankful for every day and it helped her realize how fortunate she really is. In one of my college writing courses, the assignment was to make lists of things and write about them.

I'm going to try something... I'm going to mesh those writing projects together with a little tweak and list 10 things I LIKE about myself. Who wants to try this, too? Okay, if you can't think of 10, I'm sure everyone else can help out and think of stuff they admire about you in mere seconds.